just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
