Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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