so let's talk penis.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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