can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
