Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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