chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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