i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
