So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
