does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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