turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
