We're like a lot better than the average bears
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
