five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
