I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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