I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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