it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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