So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
