All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
