i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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