Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
