If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
