The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I had to cum in my sink.
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