He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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