A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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