My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
