I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
