When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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