I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
