only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
