We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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