On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
