Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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