my shit smells like andre
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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