once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
