Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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