At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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