Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize