i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
