OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
