I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize