oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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