Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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