Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
