can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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