my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
