a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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