I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm just crazy horny about you
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
