her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
