help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
