He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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