I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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