Your face is a jimmy john
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
