I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
