Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
