just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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