Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
