If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
