I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize