I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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