You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
