hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
