my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
