my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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