I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
