apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
