she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
