Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize