I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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