new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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