i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
