He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
