Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
