I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize