you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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