I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Randomize
