how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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