I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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