I faked an abortion last night.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
