Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
So here I am, sexting at work.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
